Crackpot Robs

I have a friend named Parch. Actually, her “real” name is Sarah…

I know what you’re thinking. Sarah? How average. Yeah, that’s what we (“we” being a hilarious group of drunken like minded individuals) thought too. So imagine our excitement when T9 mistook the spelling of her name for PARCH. We were elated! Finally, a solution for the name Sarah! At that moment, Parch was born. There was no going back. This is how it had to be. T9’s reign of texting bloops lasted only for a moment, but Parch is forever.

Personally, I was saddened by the loss of T9. This, of course, was before I learned of the joys of auto correct. If you have not fallen victim to this ingenious function of the smartphone it is important that you visit the website

:Sigh: Oh, auto correct, how I love thee ❤

Actually, since we are on the topic, auto correct chose the name of this post! The original title was “Crock Pot Ribs” (Borrrrrrringg). Auto correct decided that a better name would be “Crackpot Robs” and I couldn’t agree more! Crack is the perfect way to describe these robs. Sometimes you just have to let the computers do the work, ya know?

Let’s get down to business, crackpot business. The last meal we ate in 2013 was Crackpot Robs, more commonly known as spareribs made in the crockpot. The first step in this recipe is ditching your crackpot and purchasing the Ninja Multi-cooker.


This black beauty has a stove top, oven, and slow cook function. This will allow you to sear the ribs (both sides) in the cooker before you turn switch to the slow cook mode. Of course, you can always sear the ribs in a separate frying pan before placing it in the slow cooker, but then you will have to clean that extra pan…and that sucks.

Before seasoning and searing make sure that the membrane is removed and that the individual ribs are sliced halfway through. My butcher at K & T Quality Meats in Astoria, NY did all of this for me [Thanks, Butch!], and it turned out more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. So beautiful, in fact, that I was tempted to pull a Lady Gaga and wear the meaty rack as an evening gown. Lucky for all, I have no idea how to assemble a meat dress and no shoes to match.


Before searing, season the meat generously with salt and pepper or any preferred meat seasoning. We used Grill Mates Montreal Steak seasoning.


After searing, throw those meaty bones into the crackpot and cover them in crack sauce, also known as Sweet Baby Rays. I love Sweet Baby Ray’s almost as much as I love auto correct, except more. If I could bathe in Sweet Baby Ray’s, I would. Set your crackpot to 8 hours (on low) and let it work it’s magic.


These crackpot robs slathered in crackpot sauce are nothing short of crack itself. You will want more and more, and when you realize there are none left you WILL have a child-like tantrum. Unfortunately, they were made on New Years Eve and I was too drunk to remember to take a photo of the finished product. In fact, there is a chance that my child-like tantrum had more to do with the alcohol then the robs…Happy 2014 Everyone!


One thought on “Crackpot Robs

  1. Pingback: Everything is coming up meaty | #talesofanearlymidlifecrisis

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