Mall Madness

Mall food courts are awesome. These cheap versions of Epcot offer a (sort-of) culturally diverse dining experience for those on a budget. In one sitting you can have a sushi roll from Japan, an egg roll from China, and a chicken roll from Italy. So many countries with so many rolls. How can you go wrong, right? Some how the Arnot Mall got this great American pleasure (and obesity enabler) SO wrong. I’m sure Super China, the star of the Arnot Mall food court, was a hopping place in 1995 but it has worn out its welcome. The man who took my order had some food left on his face from an earlier meal. This should have been enough to turn me away,  but it did not.


There is a silver lining to this story! The Arnot mall has prepared for the potential food poisoning deaths of Super China by adding the Granite Art store to it’s thrilling selection of retailers. In this store you can pick out and design your own headstone. What a unique asset to a shopping mall! I’m sure all of the parents bringing their small children to take pictures with Santa want to make a pit stop to pick out a headstone and explain death to their kids. Bravo, Arnot. This is fucking brilliant.


In conclusion, the Arnot Mall sucks but is super convenient if you need to purchase a sweater and a headstone for your pet.

Open Mic at Quays Pub: Astoria

I am obsessed with open mic nights. So when my friend invited me to open mic night at Quays Pub I jumped at the opportunity. Typically, I prefer to go by myself and fool people into thinking I’m a talent scout by sitting in a corner and taking notes, but I figured going with a group would be just as fun.

The crowds of young, drunk people usually drive out bar flies on open mic nights. Lucky for us, the bar flies of Quays Pub stuck around and performed. Among the stars was a toothless Paul Shaffer doppelganger and a singer whose drunken croons ranged from Billy Joel to ACDC.


I got so caught up in open mic night that I totally forgot to tell you about Quays Pub. Bad, Sally! I have lived in Astoria for 5 years and have never heard of Quays Pub. I am really upset about this. Why, world?! Why have you been keeping Quays Pub from me?! This cozy bar has tin tile ceilings, a faux library and smiling (Irish!) bartenders. It’s just perfect for an after work drink, or in my case, an after no work drink.